Thursday, April 22, 2010

Damn! Why me???

We all have wondered why something has happened to us, wondering what we did to deserve this disease. It took me a long time to realize that it was no fault of mine. My personal thought was that God was punishing me for something I did, but I could never figure out what that was. My thoughts were not true, its depression that causes us to have this negative thoughts and puts us in these dark and lonely places.

I've had it hard, on top of being sad and lonely I was a victim of rape when I was a young teen. I got myself into a situation with someone that I thought I could trust. As a result of this incident I became pregnant. WHY ME???? I was a rape victim, something that is very hard for me to deal with to this day and I was pregnant. I WAS ONLY 15!!! I was distraught! I didnt know what to do or where to turn, needless to say after my parents found out my pregnancy was terminated. That whole process nearly killed me mentally. I still suffer from that whole incident. What happened next you might ask... well I won't lie, I'm still not over it and it had a bad effect on me to this day it is hard for me to trust, but how long can I live like that??? This contributed more to my underlying depression...

As an adult dealing with this illness is no easier. I still dwell on the past (something that I should not do) and it only makes things worse. RIGHT NOW I AM RECLAIMING MY LIFE! I don't want to live in the past anymore, I have people that love me for who I am... faults and all. YOU CAN RECLAIM YOUR LIFE TOO! The road to recovery is a long and hard one, but it is worth the fight I can guarantee you that.

4 comments:

  1. Hi thank you for this blog
    (someone you know)

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  2. IM SO PROUD OF U VANIEKA I KNOW IT WAS HARD DOING THIS, AND CANT IMAGINE WAT UR GOING THRU, BUT UR A VERY STRONG WOMAN WHO HAS A GREAT SUPPORT SYSTEM, TELL MU HUBBY HEY LOL LOVE U... porschah

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