Sunday, April 18, 2010


I intend for this particular blog to be a platform for people living with depression and other mental illnesses to openly express themselves, my goal is to make it therapeutic. This first blog will mainly illustrate my dealings with depression, I hope that others will find it helpful... here I go.

I have been living with depression since I was about 12 years old (that's as far back as I remember) I am now 29 and for the majority of this time I kept my illness a secret from my friends and family. For as long as I remember I have been very unhappy, don't get me wrong I was able to pretend that everything that everything was ok. Putting on a show like that is very tiring.

There are a lot of stereotypes when it comes to people suffering from mental illnesses... WE ARE HUMAN TOO! We are not crazy or pretending that something is wrong with us, mental illnesses are very serious and can be fatal. We want help before it gets that far!

I have faced the thought of committing suicide on more than one occasion, my attempts have failed, there was a time when I was so down I thought that I was a failure for not even getting that right! Fact is I am not a failure, neither are you we have purpose on this earth. We need to find a way to deal with this darkness and overcome our fears.

This past year has been my darkest, I have found myself ready to give up... I couldn't take the everyday stresses of life, of being a good employee, student, mother, sister, daughter friend, etc. I couldn't take it anymore and I broke down mentally and physically...BUT I MADE IT THROUGH!!! I made it through my darkest hours and I am now on the road to recovery... JOIN ME!


  1. I admire your strength! I know the road has not been easy. You let me into some dark places in your life. I am very humble for your faith in me and our friendship. I wish you all the best, peace, stability, serenity and love. Im here through whatever and whenever for the long haul! I love you!

    And to those who are experiences any kind of mental illness, know that there is hope! Keep your head up, be encouraged and be stronger than your illness. You have to be open to new things and changes. And most importantly, surround yourself with loving and supportive people. You will need it! Be blessed!

  2. Cuz, I'm really glad that you faught the fight. It really takes a strong individual to stand strong and keep the faith of surviving life because of mental illness. Have I, myself ever suffered from it?? Yes. Helping my daughter Asha tryn to over power this illness was a very hard tasks, so i can related to the things that u were going through. So, just stay focused on life and always surround yourself with ppl who motivate,inspire or encourage you. Remember, there is a purpose for you being here and it's not your decision to choose the end of your lifeline, It's God's. I love you cuz.

  3. Hi, this is your mother, I just read your blog, I'm happy to know taht you are not ashamed of your illness anymore, to let people know how you feel. We all go through some type of depression some time in our lives, some people can handle it better than others. Just know that I am always here for you no matter what, I love you and always praying for you to get better.

  4. I'm so proud of u for staying strong when at times u were so weak. To go though it with u I have much more passion and respect for people fighting this illness . I also feel u should continue to write these blogs for the people who r going though it every day and feel like they are worthless and alone . Nieka you found God and son so no matter what the past was like your future is bright. Love you always!!!! Shon

  5. I would like to thank everyone for their support, it is gratefully appreciated! I have so many ideas that I want to explore with this blog. Again I hope that this inspires others to talk about their illness, and I hope that it helps others to know about mental illness and how to help people that are suffering. Stay tuned for more... I love you all.

  6. I want to thank you for posting this I have always belive
    I was the only one and that I was crazy but to know that I am not
    is saving my life I never belive that there was life at the end but your post
    told me deffrent thank you so so much you just save my life from ending it all

    Thank you again
    (Someone you know)

  7. To someone I know, no you are not alone, please don't end it all, we do have purpose on this earth! I am glad that I was able to help you, we need to stick together and help each other out. Remember to check back periodically for more posts, if you feel comfortable write about some of your experiences... you just might save a life! Stay strong and much love!

  8. Im been dealing with depression also and not too many ppl in my life know about it..A lot of people don't understand the way I feel and I why i feel this way. Sometimes i dont know why but this has been my reality. This past september my face was paralyzed on the left side andd everyday is a struggle. Your courage gives me strength. thank u


  10. Thank you again
    when I was 4 I was raped by my grandma every
    since then I have been messed up in the head
    when I was 9 I was put into fostor care at 16 teen I have been
    though so much that life just took it's turn I took
    26 pills my heart stoped 15 times they say that I should be dead
    but I am here your post I saw from a friend from a friend. They told me to
    read it so I did when I was reading your post my plan was to take this pills I have after reading it that would have killed me soon but your post stoped me thank you for that I just found out that I am about to
    be a mother and thank you for responding to my post early today

    (someone you know)

  11. @ Patrice, I am glad to have inspired you! That was my main goal to reach at least one person! Please feel free to share your experiences if you comfortable... we can help eachother out. Thanks for your post!

  12. @Someone that I know I am at a lost for words. First off I want to congratulate you on making a decision that I know was very hard for you. YOU CHOSE LIFE!!!! I am very proud of the decision that you made! I know that in time you will be very proud of yourself. Life can be better for us, the road to recovery is not an easy one. I know something that should give you more encouragement is the life growing inside of you. I don't know if you are a mother already but I tell you your baby will give you more inspiration. My son is the reason that I am alive today. Thank you for sharing your experiences I have suffered from similar situations. We can work through this... together.

  13. I dont know how to deal my health issues and the daily stress of my life. My anxiety and depression comes from panic.. all my life i have done everything that was considered good.."i was a good girl". I met an older guy and he took me thru hell in a few short months and i got pregnant. he threatened to kill me and the baby and i broke up wit him. this was my first and only pregnancy..I had an abortion and i havent been able to get past that. it has been three years and now i have a nerve problem along with other issues. when a doctor prescribed me zanax i didnt take it because ithought that i didnt need meds because i didnt see the road i was on..Its has gotten so bad that i convience myself that i am going to die. i have dreams that i am dying, about strokes, heart attacks, or deadly...

  14. @Anonymous first off let me say that you made a very smart and brave decision by leaving that relationship! I had an abortion as a teen and I still struggle with the thought of what could have been. I'm not going to tell you to try to move past that because I would be a hypocrite. I have however accepted the fact that I cannot beat myself up about what happened. So be sure not to do that to yourself. A mother never forgets her child. I too have an anxiety problem last year I was afraid to leave my house! I could not drive, run errands or even be around my own family without having panic attacks. I was also prescribed Xanax, but because I was so bad off I was later prescribed Ativan. You will find the strength to overcome all of your struggles but to be honest with you it will not be easy. I still find myself struggling, that's why I started this blog. I wasn't sure of the feedback thay i would receive but so far it has all been positive and it gives me the courage to move ahead and continue to fight. I was overly obsessed with thoughts of my death, I had nightmares and even experienced panic attacks in my sleep! The medicine helps but if you feel that you don't want to take it speak other your doctor, there may be other options that may help you, everybody's situation is different. Stay strong and continue to check back for more posts. Wishing you the best!