Monday, April 19, 2010

CHOOSE LIFE!

I have so many thoughts running through my mind I will try to make them gel. In case you haven't read my first blog, I have been living with depression for the past 17 years...wow I never looked at it like that before. These 17 years has not only been a struggle for me but also for those around me. I know that it has been hard for my family and friends to deal with me when i wasnt being completely honest with them or myself.

When I was a teen my parents took me to speak with a professional, but thay didnt work out too well, I wasn't willing to open up. So you may ask HOW DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE DEPRESSED??? I was always unhappy with myself and things going on around me, I began to live my life in such a way that no child should. At such a young age I wasn't sure why I felt such a way.

I believe I was about 14 or 15 when I first attempted to commit suicide, this too I kept a secret from everyone. I remember that night like it was yesterday and at first I was ashamed to speak of that night, but now i hope that my experiences help someone else out. I needed help bad! From that day forward I kind of became obsessed with my death, thinking of different plans but never thinking about those around me... I know now that suicide is a selfish thought and act. THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL!

My advice to those who are suffering is to make the first step in realizing that this illness is not your fault. No you didn't do anything to deserve it... in fact its GENETICS! CHOOSE LIFE!!! Things will get better with the help of having people around you that are supportive and that value your life as much as you can learn to do again.

10 comments:

  1. Sorry for the typos next time I will use my computer and not my phone..

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  2. Im so proud of you! You know....I intend to counsel children with mental illnesd. I have so much book knowledge and experience with mental illness, however this situation hit close to home. It gavr me a different outlook on mental illness. All the book knowledge and previous experiences were thrown out the window. Ive been taught to have EMPATHY and NOT SYMPATHY for my clients. But when you have a relationship with a person, things change. I began to worry and fret. But I continued to pray for you. I prayed that God will deliver you from this illness and restore your mind. Im grateful for your recovery. Im an ear and a shoulder and your friend to the end....MY BUDDY, LOL! So, thank you my friend, for teaching me more than the books ever could. Love ya Toots!

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  3. You are more than welcome! I'm glad to know that this is actually helping someone. There are so many experiences that I have to share. And you are right... we want empathy! We don't want ppl to feel sorry for us, we just want to be understood. My next blog will be about children that are suffering. If you personally need help with clients or need to use me as an example I am open to that! <3

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  4. Wow this is good I don't know of you used to write before neika but if you diddnt maybe this could be a outlet for your feelings and help you with your depression! I have like reverse depression...I think about killing other people...maybe that will help u to! Lol nice blog glad I inspired somebody!

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  5. Thanks Martin! It has been very therapeutic for me, it feels like group therapy! Lol I was a little nervous at first because the topic is so personal but I've been getting a lot of positive feedback. Thanks for the inspiration!

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  6. ive learned its no such thing as personal thoughts just things people talk about and dont talk about...once you get over the thought of what people think of you u realize that its a lot more people with problems of their own!

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  7. im so proud of you .i dont think i wouldve ever got up the nerve to tell my personal feelins I to suffer with Bi-polar and post trumatic stress i used my pen and pad as a released but it never made anything better.once i started to my husband ,he convinced me to get professional help and i owe my life to him for noticing i had a porblem.im better but i will always had this illness so except and proudly go on knowin im not alone i love you for creating a format for the so called proud black woman.now we dont have to suffer in silence.

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  8. @ Carrie I usually write in my journal but that was getting old to me too. Sometimes its hard for me to talk but I have always been good at writing to express my emotions. This way I felt like I could have an open dialogue with at least one person. And come to find out I have been getting alot of positive feedback. I was nervous at first then I said what the hell... its not my fault that I am sick. Thanks for commenting be sure to check back for updates, your comment really brightened my day!

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  9. I am so happy that you a getting a better outlook on life and understanding thats its not your fault. Love you and much continued success in your recovery. love brooke

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