I was just reading my old posts and although I am pleased at the progress that I have made there is still a lot of work that needs to be done. It has been 2 years since my last post. I have since mustered up the strength to leave my home to attend school. I chose a short program to kind of ease my way back into the world. Being outside of the house was now a different experience. It was frightening, but I did it! I attended Beauty School and even finished. What an accomplishment! I can't pretend that it was easy though. There was a period that I had to take a leave of absence just to pace myself.
I no longer think that I am being punished by God. This is just something that I have to learn to deal with. I want so badly to get back to the person I used to be. I used to enjoy the company of my friends and family, but now all of that has changed. I am able to get out a little more now, but once I'm out all I can think about is getting back to where I feel safe... Home. At home no one was looking at me differently, I did not have to pretend to happy or interested in what was going on. Now I want to break out of that shell. I don't want my mind to be consumed of paranoia. So what if people look at me differently, that just shows who is truly there for you.
Patience is the key. One day I will be able to do as I please without feeling sorry for myself. My day is coming..